Aloneness

Yesterday I was reflecting on a few conversations I had, and the consistent theme was how lonely it is to decide whether to go through with a divorce or not.

Come to think of it, I guess it’s really remarkable that so many people go through it given how painful and life altering the decision can be.

Maybe it just goes to show how bad we all are at relationships. Put differently, it’s shocking we’re collectively so bad at relationships that over 50% of us will suffer the pain rather than go on.

But I digress.

Or do I? Because if so many of us are going through this, then existentially, at least, we’re not alone.

But my main point was many of us have to make the decision to go through a divorce completely alone, even though we know others are doing going through it too.

Even if we have family or friends who support us, they don’t really know what’s going on in our heads. They don’t understand how painful it was to you that your husband left your dress out in the rain overnight.

Your friends and family offer support that doesn’t feel supportive, advice we don’t want to follow, encouragement that makes us feel discouraged. They mean well, but they aren’t you. You alone have to make the choice for your reasons, not theirs.

To make matters worse, many of us have felt alone in our marriages. Perhaps you’ve felt alone for years or even decades. Now you have to trade one experience of loneliness for another.

It’s not fair what you have to go through.